It is a subject that I encounter a lot with the people I coach: fear of failure. It can hold you back quite a bit in what you want, so it's important to do something about it. But where does it actually come from?
In our performance-oriented society, achieving success is very important. We already learn this in primary school and it remains present throughout our career in the form of targets or performance interviews, for example. While this can be motivating, it can also cause you to focus too much on performance rather than development. Making mistakes therefore becomes a no-go, making it very difficult to develop yourself.
Instead of thinking from a fixed mindset, it's better to look at things from a growth mindset. You allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. You also disconnect your actions from your own identity. Where a fixed mindset promotes fear of failure, you will find that a growth mindset helps you to be kinder to yourself. Do you find this difficult? I'd like to share a few insights with you to make it easier.
Capacities are not fixed
Do you think that your talents are fixed and that you have absolutely no influence on them? Think again. Although our motivations are fairly stable, you do have an influence on your talents. With a lot of practice you can get better at something, and it also helps if you are strongly motivated for it.
When you learn something new, your brain makes new connections. We call it neuroplasticity. So from now on, don't say that you can't do something, but that you can't do something YET. Can you hear the difference?
(almost) nobody likes new things
From prehistoric times we as humans have learned that it can be dangerous to step outside our comfort zone. In prehistoric times this meant that you could just come across a bear. Although that chance is a lot smaller these days, we still find it exciting to venture into the unknown. What if something happens?
However, you will have to get out of that comfort zone if you want to learn something new. Not too far, because then you will enter the so-called panic zone. If you stay ahead of it, you are in the learning zone. That feels a bit uncomfortable at first, but you will notice that it gets better and better. And suddenly you learned something new.
Making mistakes is a must
How did you learn to count or spell in the past? You probably made some mistakes. And when you learned to walk, you also fell a few times. Making mistakes is therefore part of the learning process. A mistake tells us how to do something different and better next time so that we can grow. So take advantage of that.
The trick here is to disconnect those mistakes from yourself. If you do something wrong, it does not mean that you as a person are completely wrong. Your intention was probably the right one. You just didn't pick the right strategy. By thinking this way, you will find that you become kinder to yourself.
Focus on growth
Do you tend to focus primarily on the end result and the performance you deliver? Then it may be that you miss a lot of the learning process. Try looking at all the beautiful intermediate steps you take and what you have learned from them. That way you enjoy the process more, making the result less important. Don't forget to enjoy yourself along the way.
Do you want to know more about how you can work on a growth mindset? This is part of my coaching trajectories. Feel free to contact us for more information.
