I see it in many of my clients: an urge for perfectionism. It is something that can hold you back when you start new things or have something to finish. Fortunately, it is also something you can learn to deal with.
To get straight to the point: perfect does not exist. Of course you can deliver quality, but something will never be perfect. Simply because this is a subjective concept and what is perfect for one person cannot be perfect for another. It is an imaginary standard that we impose on ourselves.
Introverts spend a lot of time in their heads and therefore have a lot of time to think about themselves. This means that they are usually more self-critical than extroverts. So you could say that introverts are to some extent more perfectionist than extroverts.
Perfectionism often arises in childhood, in response to certain negative feelings. For example, you don't feel comfortable because your parents keep arguing or because others are not nice to you. If you blame yourself for that, you can then respond with an urge for perfectionism. 'As long as I'm perfect, they won't argue' is the thought. You could see it as a protection mechanism.
Standing still
Although such a protection mechanism has a function, it is often the mechanism that holds you back when you want to move forward. Because you've convinced yourself that everything has to be perfect, you can't get that project done. Or you don't dare to take that next step, because you want everything else to be perfect first. You stop moving and because you never reach perfection, you'll never take that next step.
Besides holding you back, perfectionism also costs you a lot of energy. You put a lot more energy into something than what is actually needed and you are never satisfied. This means that you continuously hear a voice in the back of your mind telling you that things can be done even better. Finding relaxation is therefore increasingly difficult, because you tell yourself that you must first implement that improvement and only then can you rest. Once you have reached that point, you have often come up with something else that could be even better.
Look differently
In order to deal with your perfectionism, it is important that you look at it differently. You should start to see it as a kind of warning: as soon as perfectionism arises, there are likely to be negative feelings that you are trying to get rid of. What are these feelings and where do they come from? And how can you look at them in a different way?
Because you have often been a perfectionist for years, it can take a while before you dare to let go a little more. This takes practice, but you will see that the world will not end if you are a little less strict with yourself every now and then. Ask yourself: would I be this strict with a good friend? And what's the worst that could happen if I do it 'just right' instead of perfect?
If you feel that you still find it difficult to be less perfectionist, coaching can be a great solution. In a few conversations we can investigate the source of this perfectionism for you and how you could look at it differently. Feel free to contact me about the possibilities.
