As an introvert you don't like to be in the foreground and in this way you give others a lot of space. However, that can lead to you going beyond your own limits. However, you can certainly set boundaries in a way that suits you as an introvert.
You may recognize it: you don't want to hurt another person or want to avoid conflict and therefore give others more space than you would like. Or you say yes to that request, while you actually no longer have the energy for it. These are issues that the introverts I coach often run into.
This has to do with setting boundaries. Limits to others, but also limits for yourself that others are not allowed to cross. It's about saying no every now and then for the sake of yourself. And occasionally confronting others because something really important to you. It's about taking up space for yourself.
This often feels like selfishness or arrogance to an introvert, but if you are used to always giving a lot of space, that is actually impossible. It is important to find a middle ground and to set boundaries in a loving way. A few tips for doing this:
Stay in contact
When setting boundaries, you might think of a very assertive, almost aggressive way of doing it. But you can also calmly explain why you don't want something and why that is important to you. Stay in touch with your own feelings, while at the same time having an eye for the feelings of the other. That way, it won't feel like you're failing the other person. Going beyond your own limits mainly has to do with feelings, so also think about what a certain situation does to you and describe it.
Let it go
Think about what part of setting boundaries you can control and what part you can't. No matter how involved you are with the other person, you are not responsible for their emotions and thoughts. Of course you can sympathize, but let it go. So don't fill in thoughts and try to avoid confrontation, but try to accept that the other person reacts in his own way when you set a clear boundary.
Be kind to yourself
It is often easier to be kind to someone else than to yourself. But setting boundaries is mainly about the latter. When you love yourself, it becomes easier to allow yourself to really go after what you want. This shows that you are in control of your own life. People often have a lot of respect for that.
Be clear
If you soften your message too much, it will be unclear to the other person. So look for wording that is both respectful and clear. This also prevents you from having to repeat your message again.
Find the way that fits
You can set boundaries in many different ways. Are you more of a writer than a talker? Then put it on paper. This will give you some extra time to formulate it correctly and look at it one more time before sharing. Or find a third, neutral person who can help you get it across the right way.
Do you want to learn how to better define your limits as an introvert? Please feel free to contact me.
