As humans, we tend to project our own experiences and expectations onto others. This means that an extrovert may expect more extroverted behavior from others and vice versa, leading to misunderstandings. How do we deal with this?
A few weeks ago, I received an email from an accountant who had noticed that little consideration was given to the introverted nature of candidates during exams. With his permission, I am sharing his case below:
"One of my colleagues is studying to become a registered accountant. She is incredibly good at her work, and her introverted nature does not get in the way of her success. A good example of this is when she successfully defended a dossier in front of an external review by a registered accountant with over 20 years of experience. I know she can handle it, which is why I entrust her with such tasks as an assistant.
However, things are different during her training. After an oral exam, she was given feedback that she had the knowledge, so studying more was pointless, but she needed to answer more quickly. I raised this with the training program and asked if examiners were given training on students' personality traits, including the difference between introverts and extroverts. The response was that 'a lot of attention had been given to social talk, such as adding 5 minutes of compulsory chit-chat.'
As an introvert, I personally have never really found chit-chat to be of much value in such a setting, and I wonder if it really helps introverts. This response gave me the impression that there is no real attention given to the differences between introverts and extroverts in an exam setting, creating an unnecessary additional hurdle for introverted candidates."
Affinity Bias
The situation above is a good example of what is called affinity bias: we prefer to surround ourselves with people who are like us. If they are not like us, we find it strange because we project our own behavior onto others. An extrovert thus does not understand an introvert, and an introvert does not understand an extrovert. The extrovert thinks the introvert is 'too slow' or 'not quick-witted enough,' while the introvert thinks the extrovert is 'too abrupt' or 'dominant.'
What actually happens here is that both parties do not take into account each other's natural preferences. An examiner who encourages a more introverted candidate to answer more quickly lacks knowledge of the difference in brain function between introverts and extroverts. And the expectation that chit-chat is appreciated is a more extroverted expectation: introverts prefer a deep conversation rather than small talk.
Being Open
On the other hand, as an introvert, you should also be careful not to dismiss extroverts because of their more extroverted behavior. The key is to be open to the other person as they are and not to judge them. Try to focus on the positive aspects and see irritations as an invitation to look at what they say about you.
For example, if you are annoyed by dominant behavior, your challenge is probably to take up more space. And if you find superficiality annoying, you may need to be careful not to get lost in the multitude of information that comes with depth.
Mutual understanding is the magic word here. For examiners, this means not judging the candidate's introverted traits. But it also means that the introverted candidate can point out differences in personality to the examiners. Often, such things are not done consciously, and it can certainly help to have a conversation about it.
If you also have a case to share, feel free to contact me.
