"You are so quiet." "You need to speak up more." "Don't you dare say anything?" At first glance they may seem harmless statements that you recognize as an introvert, but they have more impact than you may think. If you really want to be inclusive, it's good to also tackle this kind of micro-aggressions.
Micro-aggressions usually concern appearance, age, gender, religion, sexuality, origin, ethnicity or personality. By saying things like this, someone is attacking your identity. The underlying message is that you are different and that you don't really belong. A harsh message, but it is very common in the workplace.
The people who make these kinds of statements often do so unconsciously. Sometimes they are even meant as a compliment. But if you hear them often enough, they contribute to a feeling of being different, of not belonging. That in turn can make you demotivated and eventually have you end up in depression or burnout. Others leave the company they work for for this reason.
Although more and more work is being done on diversity and inclusion, micro-aggression often remains invisible. American research shows that targets do not (dare to) react to it. Colleagues often do not react to it either, sometimes because they do not notice it, but also because they are afraid of conflict. As a result, the targets continue to suffer, which negatively affects the working atmosphere.
How do you draw attention to these kinds of micro-aggressions? A few tips:
Talk about it
As mentioned, people are often unaware that they are engaging in micro-aggression. Mention what comments about your introverted nature do to you and what you would rather hear. Also see if you can identify the underlying message and how you can turn it into someting more inclusive.
Explain introversion
As humans, we tend to project our own way of thinking onto others. As a result, as an extrovert you expect more extroverted behavior from others and with introverts it is exactly the other way around. This leads to unclear communication and wrong expectations. Simply put: an extrovert doesn't really know what you need as an introvert. Explain this, so that an extrovert can gain more insight into it. That way he or she can act more accordingly.
Ask for more space
As an introvert, it can be difficult to take enough space. With micro-aggression, however, certain power relations can prevent you from doing anything with it. In such a case, it is good to escalate this or to find a trusted person externally where you can tell your story. This not only creates more awareness, but also helps you to share it. You will find that that is often a great relief.
How inclusive is your company? In my workshop Diversity in Leadership we zoom in on this further. Feel free to contact me for the possibilities.
